Today is my last official day in Haiti. Tomorrow I fly at 3 PM.
I'm finding it very difficult to express how I feel.
Haiti has been such a challenge for me. And for some reason Mizak falls hugely into that category. Not because of the lack of electricity or plumbing. It was the calm. It was like taking a deep breath.
For those of you who know me well, you will know that I am an incredibly high intensity person, so Mizak forced me to face myself.
In Port au Prince I could disappear into the chaos. The streets were full, the orphanage buzzing with children, the hostel swimming with volunteers and the noise from the streets. That's how I like it.
In Mizak I felt an overwhelming fear of my own mind that I have rarely felt before. And I believe that to be an incredibly wonderful thing. It reintroduced me to who I am.
I think of every period of my life almost like a dream. When one learning experience ends, another begins; this dream has been especially awakening.
Mizak brought me back to Haiti in the first place. Over my ten days there last spring I knew I'd be back. Why was that? Because somewhere in the crevices of my mind I knew that it was time to begin a new dream.
So I have to thank everyone there. I have to thank Lee and Gabrielle and Jersey. If I listed them all this post would never end. The red dirt, the corn, the quiet.
Dreaming, growing never ends. I am leaving Haiti behind me (for now), and though I feel grateful for everything it showed me, and excited to use these new tools in my life back in the states, my heart is breaking. And I mean that in it's absolute fullest definition. If there even is an adequate definition for such an emotion.
I am in love with Haiti. I am in love with the crazy of Port au Prince, and I am in love with the stillness of Mizak. The sight of raging traffic jams, and the smell of paint in Lee's house.
From red dirt and almond trees, to murals on chalkboards drawn by 23 laughing children.
What a beautiful dream to have lived.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Monday, December 7, 2015
What To Live For
I'm back in internet land again. Can't say I'm particularly happy, I miss Mizak more than ever and it's only been one day. I don't want to imagine what leaving Haiti will feel like.
This isn't going to be an uplifting blog I'm afraid, but this is something I need to wrote about.
In Cite Solei (the slum) several people were killed this week. Several of these murders were very brutal, and that's all of the detail I am willing to go into.
What I will say is that at least three were children.
I was sitting at my computer hanging out in Jason's (director) office when Samuel (ground manager) came by to tell us this. It was only about halfway through their conversation that I really began paying attention. I asked if it was due to elections and Jason said...well not really.
Jason phrased it in a way that I wish I could capture in better detail, but I'll try my best.
Sometimes when people live in such a brutal area, like a slum, it may feel as though there is nothing to be living for. Like actions don't have real consequences.
When you have nothing to live for, you lose your respect for human life. If you don't care about your own life, why would you value someone else's?
You kill because you can.
Maybe it makes you feel something, when everything else feels like nothing.
We, as a western society, do not understand, can not possibly understand this.
I am sitting here at my computer, listening to classical music on my phone, and three miles away people are in a slum being shot at random. And for what? For nothing.
I know where my next meal is coming from, I know that I have enough water to bathe myself, I know that there is a wall surrounding the premises of the hostel I am in, and I know that I am safe.
But everyday I take that for granted.
I don't have to use the street as my toilet, and I don't have to worry if my child is going to be killed by some stranger who needs an adrenaline rush.
I've been living in Haiti for ten weeks, and yet I still have not fully appreciated the life I was given.
Think about it: when was the last time you took your eyes away from your phone, or your textbook, or the clock ticking away the hours left at work? When was the last time you looked out at the world and thought about how amazing it is to be living the life you have, when billions of other people have it so much unfathomably worse?
I'm not trying to sound angry, I'm trying to make a point.
We read the news everyday. We know what goes on in the world (kind of), but does that change the perspective we have on our own lives? It should.
We are so lucky to have what we have. To have been dealt the hand that we were dealt.
We are blessed.
Your potential is endless, and you have everything to live for. So live for something amazing. Don't take anything for granted.
This isn't going to be an uplifting blog I'm afraid, but this is something I need to wrote about.
In Cite Solei (the slum) several people were killed this week. Several of these murders were very brutal, and that's all of the detail I am willing to go into.
What I will say is that at least three were children.
I was sitting at my computer hanging out in Jason's (director) office when Samuel (ground manager) came by to tell us this. It was only about halfway through their conversation that I really began paying attention. I asked if it was due to elections and Jason said...well not really.
Jason phrased it in a way that I wish I could capture in better detail, but I'll try my best.
Sometimes when people live in such a brutal area, like a slum, it may feel as though there is nothing to be living for. Like actions don't have real consequences.
When you have nothing to live for, you lose your respect for human life. If you don't care about your own life, why would you value someone else's?
You kill because you can.
Maybe it makes you feel something, when everything else feels like nothing.
We, as a western society, do not understand, can not possibly understand this.
I am sitting here at my computer, listening to classical music on my phone, and three miles away people are in a slum being shot at random. And for what? For nothing.
I know where my next meal is coming from, I know that I have enough water to bathe myself, I know that there is a wall surrounding the premises of the hostel I am in, and I know that I am safe.
But everyday I take that for granted.
I don't have to use the street as my toilet, and I don't have to worry if my child is going to be killed by some stranger who needs an adrenaline rush.
I've been living in Haiti for ten weeks, and yet I still have not fully appreciated the life I was given.
Think about it: when was the last time you took your eyes away from your phone, or your textbook, or the clock ticking away the hours left at work? When was the last time you looked out at the world and thought about how amazing it is to be living the life you have, when billions of other people have it so much unfathomably worse?
I'm not trying to sound angry, I'm trying to make a point.
We read the news everyday. We know what goes on in the world (kind of), but does that change the perspective we have on our own lives? It should.
We are so lucky to have what we have. To have been dealt the hand that we were dealt.
We are blessed.
Your potential is endless, and you have everything to live for. So live for something amazing. Don't take anything for granted.
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