The end and the beginning.

So without realizing it until about noon, today was my last day at CHOAIDS. I thought I had until Friday but I'm on lockdown again for elections. They are FINALLY going to announce who is the new president. Taken them long enough. Good grief.
I was sitting grinding garlic by hand for our lunch/dinner when it hit me. I told Johanne and we both teared up. Then I hugged Richardson forever and waited for the kids to get home.
When they got back from school I gave them the beautiful quilts that Wendy McQueen made. They were so excited about this! But then when we announced that I was not coming back for awhile it just got all quiet. The kids can be pretty shy, but after some coaxing they began giving me hugs.
That was hard. I had to keep telling myself this won't be the last time I see them. I'll come back.
It hasn't really hit me yet. I know I'll have a total melt down at some point.
Everything just happened so fast. One second I'm trying to memorize all of their names, the next I'm saying goodbye.
I feel as if I'm abandoning them. I know it's not true. I know they still have CHAOIDS as their loving family, but the fact that I'm not part of that family anymore is making me ache.
Before I came everyone said: "It will change your life." "You will fall in love with those kids." "It will make you stronger." Blah blah blah.
Well...congrats everyone. You were right.
I thought I was prepared for this, leaving I mean. But I now know that there is no way to prepare yourself for leaving your 29 person family behind.
They still have each other, but I'm on my own again.
Another thing is I'm leaving for Jacmel at the beginning of next week. So I'm leaving Port au Prince which is now officially my favorite big city. All of my friends here at HC, and all of my friends at CHOAIDS, they're going to be missing from my life for who knows how long. How am I going to do this? How can I leave? Leaving my old home in the states was easier than leaving my home in Port au Prince and everyone here.
I'm sorry I'm so negative.
I just have to keep telling myself, it's not the end, it's the beginning.
A new adventure is right in front of me, and I have no idea what it will hold. There is never any way to prepare, you just have to plunge in and see what happens. Remember the past, accept the future.
I'll write again soon.
--S